What's Left to Learn?

In yesterday’s sermon, Rev. Pat quoted St. Teresa of Avila as saying to God, “If this is the way you treat your friends, it is no wonder you have so few.” That’s about the way I’m feeling right now. I’m depressed again, and don’t see what there is left for me to learn from it. I’ve learned some things. It’s okay to be gay. I’ve always done the best I could in my life, so I have nothing to be ashamed of. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s not just okay but necessary to take care of myself. It’s okay to be human instead of perfect. What’s left to learn? And if there is something left, can’t I learn it some other way?

I was listening to Simon and Garfunkel’s Patterns earlier. Here is the last verse:

"And the pattern still remains on the wall where darkness fell,
And it's fitting that it should, for in darkness I must dwell.
Like the color of my skin, or the day that I grow old,
My life is made of patterns that can scarcely be controlled."

I hope Paul Simon got it wrong in this song. First, I hope that the pattern of depressions that has ruled my life for the last fifteen years can somehow be controlled. Second, I hope that I don’t have to dwell in darkness. Some suffering is noble, but not this.