Out

Yes, I'm out of the hospital. It was good (and necessary) to be there when I needed protection from my impulses, and now it's good (and necessary) to be out. I went to my therapist on Thursday, the Pastoral Staff meeting on Friday, and today I watched Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Tomorrow I am liturgist at the seven o'clock service. I managed to do a few things today, like get a haircut, send Andy his birthday present, open the last of the mail left from my hospital stay, and (briefly) ruminate about my hospital experience. Here's hoping none of my readers ever have to spend a day in a psych hospital. It's not all that bad, but it's not pleasant either, especially when you have to work on your thoughts and they mess with your medications. But I survived and am more or less functional now.

The "f" word

No, not that one, "faggot." I was awakened about 4:30 am by my new roommate, Dennis, calling the night nurse, Paul, a "fucking faggot." Now if I were well I might be inclined to stand up to this bigoted person, but I'm not. After thinking about it a little while, I asked to be moved to another room. Probably the guy wouldn't have the guts to actually attack me, if he even figured out that I'm gay, by why take a chance? So now I'm down the hall with Robert, who has the same doctor I do and who is getting ECT. It seems to be working for him. It didn't for me, which just goes to prove that our brains are all different. Anyway, I feel safe again in this space.

Again?

Well, folks, I'm at NYU Hospital, on the psychiatric ward. It's my tenth hospitalization, a record I was trying to avoid. But it is better for me to be safe in the hospital than sorry out in the "real" world. This is a good place, which treats its patients well. I am confident that I will get out of here stable and in time to spend Christmas with Susanna. I sure hope so. This is my third hospitalization in 2008, and I do NOT plan to be in the hospital AT ALL in 2009. Pardon the in your face typography, but I don't think psychologically I can take another hospitalization. On the other hand, I will do whatever I have to do to stay well, which includes coming to the hospital again. But IT ISN'T GOING TO HAPPEN, BECAUSE GOD IS GOOD. Jeremiah 29:11 (from memory) "I know the plans I have for you, plans for good and not to harm you." So, my friends, keep me in your prayers.